Posts in Category: Central & Third Fire
Turning forty took its toll on me. For whatever reason, my body, mind and spirit decided to wait until the big 4-0 to tell me to fuck off. Although I have always been health conscious and alternative in my beliefs about health and wellness, I struggled like many other people, with food and other addictions. I was a smoker since I was 15 (I quit while pregnant and breast feeding but then started right up again as soon as I was done), I put drugs and alcohol into my body and I harboured self hatred and guilt. All things that will eventually catch up to you… I mean, me…
The day I had my first child, Willow (4), was the day I stopped sleeping for a long, long time. I know that my situation isn’t unique and I know that it also isn’t shared by everyone but what I know most of all is that TODAY I am over the MOON! A few weeks ago, while we were on vacation, BOTH of our kids officially began sleeping through the night. To be honest, it took about a week for my body to adjust to it. I guess I was in such a state of anxiety during sleep mode that my body forgot how to truly relax and really SLEEP.
When I had Willow, everything changed for me. Before her, I was a strong, independent, self aware, focused woman of 36. The moment she was born I became anxious, second-guessed almost everything. I became insecure about my mothering style and choices.
For the mommas and the pappas.
Seems nearly impossible. We are too tired. We are too busy. We are constantly in the thick of it: work, house and home, babies, toddlers, chores, repeat. It’s endless. And wide open. I’ve been on a slow and steady remembrance of this everyday. To not get caught up in the stress of the endless, but rather live the dream of the wide open peace. Wild, crazy, young family, peace. Not all peace has to be tranquil and quiet. But, sometimes, it should be.
To create a home filled with joy. Where we create moments, hours and days that flow more than they crash. Some would say this should come naturally. And sometimes yes, it does. But also? It’s hard work people. Sugar-coat I won’t.
I had 6 too many drinks last night.
That was a regular occurrence, and then some, ‘back in the day’. Always trying so hard to forget. And then I stopped. I came to some honest truths about myself. I stopped ignoring that I was smart enough to know that a path of self-destruction would not lead to anywhere I really wanted to be. Not rocket science, easier said than done.
Ours is not a conventional love story. This is the the story of how we met. I’m not going to get all poetic in describing how we fell in love because, well – I don’t feel like rolling that way right now.