Rant & Rave: You Guys? Today I Wish I Had More Patience

*Full Disclosure: There are lots and lots of swears herein. I also have annoying gas. Like the kind that is caused from ingesting FAKE FUCKING CHINESE FOOD. TMI? Welcome to this post*

More patience for when the pizza place had no Hawaiian pizza (WTF?!?!) so we got Chinese. BIG MISTAKE. I haven’t had sugared up MSG in forever and I think my kids have had it maybe twice before. it always amazes me the striking difference in behaviour when they eat crap food like that. Which isn’t saying much since they were already on a crash course straight to TODDLER FREAK OUT BEDLAM.

We were on our own tonight and I had to make a trip to the mall to pick something up. I thought we would have a nice cool (AC) traipse around the mall like we occasionally do. (For some reason they LOVE that place, it’s like Chuck-E-Cheese to them.) I thought they’d be angels like they usually are, when I indulge them with a couple of rare mall treats. Like popcorn and kale pineapple smoothies. Those are threats to them. We should have just stuck with that.

After a HUGE melt-down from not one, but TWO toddlers and repeated discussion (through clenched teeth at times), on why we couldn’t have ‘I-Nappul EEza.’ Death rays (me) to the Pizza Nova dude.

Also, random but totally legit question: WHY THE FUCK do people stare? (And I mean really stare), when one’s toddler(s) are yodelling, kicking and wailing their blues for all to hear? Just stop it with that people. Seriously. Especially those of you who look me up and down like I could be doing better. You gross me out. You’re heathens.

Tonight was a FML sort of night full of maximum testing and all-out ludicrous behaviour from my usually LESS ridiculously ill behaved toddlers. And then there was no wine. I’m eating stale popcorn and working a deadline right now. I wish someone was here to make me these, or at least find a store with the necessary ingredients (all I have are the limes) so I can make some. One. Just. One.

Right now I’m going to wrap this up and go water the veggie plants I have remaining which the FUCKING SQUIRRELS AND CHIPMUCKS haven’t ravaged. (I swear there’s a rabbit in the mix, although I have yet to spy it.)

At least I’ll have my coffee sanctuary to go to early in the morning if someone (AHEM. That’s you buddy! Mister Dadeeeeee!) is kind enough to keep the vamps (toddlers, that’s what they’re getting called right now), at bay. While I’m pissed that there’s not a drop of booze in my house at the moment, I’ll probably just dream of my new favourite space as I finally lay my head down to sleep…

Yea, that badass ladder plant-stand is kiddie corner to our outdoor seating area; perfectly tarnished and weathered and antique. I’ve been dreaming of finding one just like it ever since I pinned something similar eons ago. But then one never thinks they are actually going to MAKE something they pin, especially as effortlessly as I did this. YOU GUYS? I paid only 5 bucks for it. See? That’s all I need to look at (picture above) and think about to feel better. Once a nerd, always a nerd. Even when cursing and wanting to crush a line-up of stiff margaritas.

FUCK. The garden. Can’t skip it 2 nights in a row…

Until the next. XO