Throwback Thursday: Is Self-Care For Moms Unrealistic? Selfish? NO.

Photography by: Nadya Kwandibens of Red Works Photography

I found this short post I wrote on January 1 2012 . Seems so long ago, so much has happened since then. Man, I was deep in the fog back then. Fun to read and see that the old saying is true. ‘When you’re going through hell…..keep going.’ I did, I am here and I am committed to loving ME more deeply every day. Happy Thursday everyone. Love Yourself. 

I don’t know about you, but I am finding motherhood really challenging. If someone had told me to spend the last 3 months of my first pregnancy in a cocoon (metaphorically speaking) I would have been like “what?”. But as I transitioned from single entity human to double entity human I realized that I never truly took the time to say goodbye to the old me.

Suddenly there was this little baby human who was made up of 50 percent of ME and everything I did from that point forward, I would always take this little being into consideration FIRST! Although I didn’t really experience clinical post-partum depression, I definitely went through a mourning period of my old self. I hadn’t allowed myself the mental, emotional or spiritual “cocooning” that I so badly needed before giving birth. That’s why I spent the first year of my babies life getting to know her AND myself from scratch! And then all of the sudden, I was pregnant again! Pregnant, with a toddler, working full-time and trying to be a wife just about did me in! It was confusing. I was on a very enlightened and spiritual path pre-motherhood and suddenly I had no tools, or maybe I just forgot how to use them!

As the year transitioned from 2011 to 2012 I took a few hours to reflect on why I can’t seem to slow down anymore. The truth is this: parenting is a full time job. No questions about it, whether you’re a SAHM, a WAHM whatever other annoying acronym exists to niche moms. Work is a full time job. Being a wife is a full time job. What I realized is that the ONE job that I overlooked this whole time was mySELF. The ‘SELF’ also require full time focus and maintenance.

If you are on a plane and the un-thinkable starts to happen, the oxygen masks come down. You MUST put yours on first BEFORE your child. That’s because YOU must be functioning at 100 percent in order to help your child and guide their way.

There is no quitting in parenting. So if that’s true, then I must not quit on ME. I must find the moments to remind myself of who I am, deep inside and draw on all of the lessons I’ve learned in life and use them to ensure that my children grow up in a strong and nurturing environment.

How can I be a good, strong nurturer to someone else if I don’t nurture myself?

So now, it is the little things. In the effort to spend every free moment with my kids, for fear of missing one precious moment, I’ve overlooked my alone time.

Now, I vow to take a shower by MYSELF. That fifteen minutes of alone time, including the post shower prep, is essential to my self esteem and sense of self.

I will sit and write at least once a day.

I will acknowledge my partner with love, he’s the one I chose and if we are strong, my children will emulate that strength in their own relationships.

Overall I will remember to look in the mirror at least once a day and tell myself how much I love me, how proud I am of me and what an extremely great mother I am. I will not judge myself, I will only look to ways to strengthen my sense of well being.

The only way I know of overcoming challenges is looking them straight in the eye and say “bring it on”.

Today, in the present…one of the most important environments that provides me with the ultimate space for self-healing and self-care is our family home. Here is a little blurb about me and my home (p. 19). Feels weird to have my home in the paper because it is my safe place BUT I also feel so grateful to live here and am happy to do it. It definitely feels a lot cozier AND MESSIER in real life than it does in these photos. I do like the Q and A though, Marcy Corblum did a great job!

How has your self-care routine ebbed and flowed as a mother – specifically from when you were a new mom to now? (New moms, if you’re reading this – know that self-care is possible and nothing to feel guilty about!) I’d love to hear about your transitions hear, experiences, thoughts. Where is your favourite place to unwind?